last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
