people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
