I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
