He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
