we have pet lesbian snakes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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