All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
