if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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