Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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