Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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