omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
