I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
