I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
