but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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