my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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