Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
