All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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