actually, I'm a sock model
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
