watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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