Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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