Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
