I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
