the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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