i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
