the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Houston, we have a blender
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
