shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
