positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
