I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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