I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
