My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
