Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
