sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
