Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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