the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
