No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
