Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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