the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
