just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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