i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
