Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
