when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
