I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
