So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
