he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
not ubering you a puppy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
