Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
