You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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