Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
