Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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