I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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