I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
