i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
