did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
