do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're like the curious george of whores
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
