she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
