Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
