i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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